Romeo and Juliet, But with Lance and Clair
by SoundfulKitty
Summary: Parody of 'Romeo and Juliet'. Drake and Drayden move to Viridian City from Blackthorn City, Lance and Clair being the respective child of each man. Not knowing they're related, the cousins fall in love, but the two cannot be together, as their fathers forbid it! The two need to find some way to be together, but only before and after silly things happen of course!
1. Enter Bad Dads

**A/N: This is something I wrote over 5 years ago! Was going through my old notebooks and when I re-read this one, I said "yeah why not type it and post it online!" Anyhow, to keep it original (mostly for me) it's going to be word-for-word! This story was originally written for a friend of mine back when I was a freshmen in high school, we had a thing for Pokémon, two of our** favorite **trainers were Lance and Clair. This was a silly thing I wrote for her, as she requested I write a funny story with these two one day. Even though we no longer speak, I remember what a good friend she was and all the fun times I had with her when I read this! Anyway, I hope someone likes it as much as I do!**

Years back in the awesome Pokémon world there was a region called Johto, in Johto was Blackthorn City, in this city lived the Dragon Clan. This clan has been living in a cave, no they're not animals, well maybe they are especially at dinner, anyways…the family has been a rather large family for hundreds of years now. But there was one specific line of dragon trainers that would take the crown. One problem though…a man named Took and a woman named It had two sons, Drake and Drayden. *Gasp* two?! Yeah, well, they're twins, not exactly look-alikes, but still twins. Eventually Drake married shortly after It died, his wife's name was Woot. Drayden married just one month after his brother, his wife being Wanna. Woot and Wanna died though in the same accident that had something to do with a Gyrados, a lake, and oddly a water fairy named Wallace. None to worry though! Woot gave birth to a boy named Lance, and Wanna had Clair. But then on one winter night, the brothers were arguing over who will take the crown (currently Took still has it).

"Lance should have it when the old man dies! He's cooler! He's four months and already has cool hair!" Drake argues, showing his brother his cool son.

"Just cause your son has Jersey Shore hair doesn't mean he should be the king! One of us should take the crown first, and the strongest will get it!" Drayden yells.

"No! That makes things boring! My son, your daughter, the dragon cousins shall fight and see!"

"Fine! But Clair shall win!"

"NEVAAAA!" Drake shouts putting his fist in the air and pouting (dropping Lance too). "Whoops!" He bends down and picks up his son.

Drayden laughs, "Ha ha!" Unfortunately he ends up somehow dropping Clair. "Oh boy, sorry Princess," he picks up his daughter.

After that the two went to sleep wondering what to do. Then they made a decision! Why not pretend that Lance and Clair aren't related to each other! They talked about it the next day at breakfast, forgetting about Lance and Clair as usual, despite talking about the two. The two dads would move elsewhere, and they would train their kids, then when the time is right, they would tell their children how they are royalty in the Dragon Clan. Not only does the winner get to be the ruler, but they get to wear super dragon underwear! The underwear is magical and gets to somehow wash itself, it also has a built-in heater and massager! A massager on your private parts?! Who doesn't want that?!

Eventually, Drake moves as planned, almost forgetting Lance and loses him in one of his luggage. He moves to Viridian City in Kanto.

Drayden then leaves shortly after, to the same city none the less.

But the two brothers don't know that they're living in the same city!

Drake and Drayden get jobs and started training their children, somehow for a good fourteen years neither the two brothers see each other. On Christmas morning the two will return to Blackthorn and have their kids fight each other. If Lance wins then Drake takes the crown until he's old, but if Clair wins then Drayden takes the crown and passes it to her when he's old.

Right now, Lance and Clair are both young teens, and one day it just so happens to be that there was a random party at a diner!

 **A/N: Ok, I lied, I did change a few things, mostly punctuation and took a few sentences out that made little to no sense. But overall it's typed out word-by-word from my old notebook. Anyway, next chapter is when we see the cousins doing things! Actually the next chapter is short, so short in fact that I'm gonna combine it with chapter 3…and chapter 4…maybe chapter 5 too. Goodness these chapters are short! Oh and Wallace the water fairy was an inside joke between my old friend and me, to us it was one of the best things ever, goodness I can't help but smile when I think of those days! If I am to get criticism please consider that this is basically a joke fanfic, keep in mind I wrote it for someone, and she loved it, I just wanna share it with others. I have other serious fanfics I wrote back in the day, not sure if I will post 'em or not, only cause I used to write 'em in notebooks. Ever try to read sloppy handwriting in a dimly-lit room and then try to type is out at a computer? Anyway, this author's note is long, I'll shut up now.**


	2. Of Pikachus and Trainers

**A/N: Warning to those offended by molestation, Lance gets molested by "Santa", brief mentions of bulimia as well, I know it's immature and most think it ain't funny, I'm sorry. Luckily it isn't too bad, and I am aware how horrible these things are. So please no hate or flames. This next part**

At the 'Yo What Up' diner in Viridian City the dude who owns it (a gangster named Tattoo, or so he claims) decided to throw a party! Everybody was having fun and getting drunk off soda, and then chronically dehydrated for throwing up after drinking too much. Lance, an awesome guy with a cool black cape and wickedly cool hair that he loved, was hanging around at a table with a dude named Santa.

"So Santa," Lance begins, ignoring the woman besides him that is trying to offer him a 'normal drink' as she calls it, a drink she claims totally isn't drugged. "We've been friends for years, can you finally tell me Rudolph the freakin' red-nosed Stantler is?!"

Santa scratches his beard, "You've been a bad boy this year, Lance."

"Nu-uh!" Lance denies.

"I know about your secret porn gallery!"

Lance looks down, "Dang, how do you know?"

"Oh ho ho! I see you when you're sleeping…I know when you're awake…"

"Stop! I bet you're that creeper who sneaks into my room every night and watches me when I try to sleep, aren't you?!"

"Yup, that's me, you've finally noticed."

"You hid under my lampshade, I recognized your coat after all."

"Well I guess that's the end of our friendship, unless," Santa snaps his fingers, next thing Lance knew the dumb woman was gone and Santa was in her place. Santa began to touch Lance's leg, "Unless you want me to make you even badder." Santa winks.

Lance gets wide-eyed, "We're in public, what are you doing?"

"I have coal, Lance! Oh and patties! Would you like me to bring you to the North Pole and give you my patties? I made them on my hot, steamy grill. You'd like my patties, I know you would."

"Excuse me!" Lance stands up and lands on the floor, "I-I-I have to-to-um- throw up!"

"You're bulimic? Still?"

"Yes I am, bye!" Lance rushes past everyone, then he landed himself in the bathroom, if anything, he feels the need to relax, and get away from Santa Claus. Lance looks into the mirror, he could've sworn the stalls were blue and not pink. Unless they painted them! Lance goes into a stall, weird, it smells like flowers or something. It smells good…

Suddenly Lance hears voices as a group of people enter, more specifically, a group of females.

'Holy cheese graters I'm in the girl's restroom! Cheezits!' He decides to be as quiet as possible.

"And then he came all over my face!" A girl proudly boasts.

"Wow, lucky, my boyfriend still has issues…" another claims.

"Still? Girl, that sucks." This girl in particular Lance noticed through the stall crack, she has amazing blue hair, she even wore a black cape like him! Is she also a dragon user?

The three girls were around Lance's age, they begin doing makeup in the mirror. Lance wants to watch them, but he's afraid they may see him, so he sits on the toilet with his legs folded and doesn't move, he hopes he won't fall in, it's happened to him before…

Once the girls left, Lance waits a good ten seconds until he decides to get up and run into the men's restroom beside him. Right when he ran in the men's restroom he sees a clown with a big, poofy redish-orange afro, a red nose, and a full-body clown outfit standing at a urinal.

The clown looks at Lance and smiles, "Hey kid, do you-"

"No, screw you."

"I was gonna ask if you wanted some vitamin D but fine! Screw you too!"

Lance rolls his eyes and heads for a stall.

* * *

Lance leaves the men's restroom, he begins to walk, but bumps shoulders with the blue-haired girl from earlier by mistake.

"So sorry!" Lance apologizes.

"That's okay! Hey your breath smells like vomit."

"Uh-"

"I'm Clair!"

"Lance! By the way Clair is a beautiful name, fit for a beautiful girl such as yourself!"

"Hey you're smooth, wanna go fetch some pizza?"

"Sure!"

The two teens find an unoccupied table and take it.

* * *

Maybe it is love at first sight, many would say such none sense doesn't exist, but Lance and Clair couldn't describe it any other way!

"The only problem is my dad wouldn't want me to have a boyfriend," Clair explains.

"My dad says I can't have a girlfriend…" Lance describes. "But I say we still see each other anyways!"

"Okay, tonight you come by my house, it's the big rainbow one up towards north. You literally cannot miss it!"

"Tonight I shall be there!" Lance announces heroically.

The two exited the diner together holding hands, on their way out Clair makes a sudden move. She kisses Lance on his lips, it was a small kiss, but it still meant a lot to the two.

Lance got all flustered as their hands left each other's, Clair turns around, her cape and hair swaying with her walking. Lance finally regains himself once she was out of sight, she's the one for him! No matter what, they'll be together! But first he must become a little more attractive, muscles, yes, real men have muscles, he is quite thin from all the throwing up he does.

Suddenly a man from nowhere hops into Lance's vision. "Hey little man!"

"Oh my gosh," Lance gasps as if he was on a cheesy commercial. "It's Hulk Hogan! Whatever are you doing here?" His voice still had that cheesy tone as he spoke those words.

"Well, little man, I came here because I heard a man needed help getting muscles! How would you like to be as strong as a wrestler?"

"I'd love to!"

"Then you need this," out of nowhere Hulk Hogan pulls out a bottle containing some red pink liquid. "This is a Hogan drink," Hulk Hogan explains. "Drink it and you'll become the next Heavyweight Champion!"

"Cool," Lance nearly shouts. ""To think I'm just a young and stupid teen! Gimme it!"

"You want it? It's yours my friend, as long as you have enough rupees."

"Huh? Wrong game, Hulk."

"Oh, uh, what about scarabs?"

"Still no."

"Zenny?"

"No…"

"Oh, uh…right! It's Poké!"

"Yes."

"I'll give it to you then, but only for 500 of those suckas."

"It's a deal!" Lance reaches into his pocket and shoves the currency into Hulk's face.

Hogan gives the drink to Lance, "Remember kid, you can either be a quitter, or a Hogan!" Hulk does his normal pose with his arm muscles in the air.

"To think you're old…"

"Watch it kid, now I'm off to find the Land of Oz." With that, the former wrestler teleports away somehow.

Lance turns the other way, "Wow! To think someday I will be a champion!" He quickly unscrews the cap and drinks some of the drink. The liquid tastes kind of like fried chicken…

Suddenly he gets a tad bigger, after saying "Cool!" he proceeds to get even bigger. His shoulders are now very broad and he is taller. "Crap, too big, hey I wonder if…" he grabs at his black jeans and pulls them forward, stretching them. "Nope." He grows some more, getting even taller, his arms and pecks so big he looks as if he took steroids. "Curses…much too big."

Within seconds Lance shrinks back down to regular size, he tosses the bottle in a bush and grins. "Tonight I shall see my love!"


	3. This Can't Be

Clair sits at her chair near the window inside of her room, which is in her rainbow house. She sighs lightly as she gazes at the sunset, which burned her eyesight several times already since she got home. Seriously why do these anime character look at sunsets? It's dangerous!

"Oh, Lance, what a great man you are. How I love you so."

"What?!"

Clair shoots up from her seat and sees her father at the door, "Dad, I-"

"You're in love? No way! Teenagers do not know what true love is!"

"I do! I don't care what you say, Dad! Lance is an amazing guy!"

Drayden gasps, "Lance? His name is Lance?!"

"Yes! And no he doesn't do the pants dance! Not like you do anyway!"

Drayden suddenly pulls his pants off, "Watch and learn!"

Clair smacks her forehead, "Dad, please don't…"

Drayden begins to flail his pants up and down toward his left side, he would do this three times before switching to the other side, he'd do that three times on that side and switch back the other side. "No one does the pants dance like your father, my sweet angel! Just cause Lance rhymes with pants doesn't mean anything!"

Ten minutes later Drayden stops his dance, Clair finally looks back up, "Ya done?"

Drayden nods and puts his pants back on. However he forgot his belt, and so when finally buttoned the pants up, they fell right back down.

"Lovely, now can you please leave?"

"If I see that Lance around here I will turn him into a girl!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You'll find out if I see him here!"

Clair turns back around at her window as her father left, "Oh Lance my man, where are thou Lance, deny thy father and refuse thy name, and what the freak am I saying? I'm losing it." She rests her head onto her arm, which was resting upon the window ledge.

Meanwhile:

Lance looks around Viridian City, he runs behind a house as a boy walking an Arcanine walks by. Lance waits for the two to pass before he does a front flip and hides behind another house. A girl holding a bomb goes by, humming as she skips down the sidewalk. Lance then rolls behind a dumpster next to a condom shop. A man humming Lady GaGa as he walks with his Pansage. Lance quickly looks at the ground and noticed a small condom and laughs, some men have it rough! Then again, that is just a _small_ problem, now isn't it?!

A somersault was then performed by the dragon trainer and he lands behind a giant building. But then the building begins to walk away. Lance then begins to shriek as he realizes his cover is blown! Many people stare at him, and that's when Lance sees a barrel! He quickly does a ninja flip and lands in the barrel, it has pickles inside it. Feeling disgusted, he breaks out! The barrel explodes, and pickles flew everywhere. Lance doesn't see all the eyes on him, he is too busy focused on the other side of the street, he sees a rainbow house!

He runs, and he almost getting run over by a pillow truck in the process, but he made it! He now stands before the rainbow house. He notices a ladder and props it against the side of the house, he can see Clair at her window, although her back is turned so she was facing the inside of her room. As Lance begins to climb the ladder he couldn't help but ask himself…just how did he do all those stunts earlier?

Just as he began to reach the window Lance hears a cracking sound. "Uh-oh…" Before he knew it, he was on the ground, the ladder snapped in two pieces.

Clair had heard this, and she looks out to see the love of her life! "Lance!"

Hearing her voice, Lance sits up. "Clair!"

"We must be quiet or my dad will hear us!" She shouts quite loudly.

"Okay! Hey, jump, I'll catch you!" Lance shouts equally as loud.

Clair feels all giddy, "Okay!"

Lance holds out his arms and watched Clair jump, however, she hit the ground, face first. Lance was standing, smiling, until he decided to actually look left, where she had fallen. "Uh…"

Clair shot up, her face coming up first, "It's good! I'm all good!"

Lance helps her up, "Let's go!"

"Wait, Lance, I want to offer you a proposal."

"Okay, what is it?"

"It's literally a proposal."

"You mean…you want to get married?"

"Yup!"

"Okay! Let's go see Friar Lawrence."

The two teens skip merrily onto the road, sadly, they got hit by a pillow truck.

* * *

Drake and Drayden both arrive at the hospital at the same time. They angrily scowl at each other once entering the room where their children were.

"Lance, how could you be dating her?" Drake asks.

Lance shrugs, "Cause I love her."

"Clair, how could you be dating him?" Drayden asks.

Clair shrugs, "Cause I love him."

Drake pinches the bridge of his nose, "Maybe we oughta tell you two the truth."

"You two are cousins," Drayden blurts loudly.

"Thanks for the sudden ear rape…" Drake says, covering his ears.

"Cousins?!" Lance and Clair both shriek, causing Drake to cover his ears yet again. Drayden meanwhile decides to steal the crackers Lance and Clair got from their nurse.

"Please explain," Clair demands, feeling a bit of anger.

"Okay," Drake begins. "There's this clan called the Dragon Clan, it's all the way in Johto. The crown can either be given to Drayden or I. Our goal was to put you two up against each other, whoever would win the Pokémon battle would be the future heir, as their father would be the current heir."

Lance looks annoyed, "And you two couldn't fight because?"

Drake sees the anger in his son's eyes, "We wanted to see if we could raise a proper child, a competition between you two would be more interesting."

Drayden throws a pack of crackers at Drake's cheek, "Your son is a whore!"

Drake grits his teeth, "Your daughter has stupid hair!"

"Your son wanted to impregnate my daughter!"

"I can build a roller coaster on your daughter's hair and the fleas in her hair would love it!"

Clair looks at Lance, "Family love…"

"Yeah, "Lance rolls his eyes. "Let's get out of here."

The two cousins somehow manage to slip past their fathers and open the window together, however, their fathers did catch the two before they jumped, holding their respective child by the wrist.

"Tomorrow we shall have the big battle!" Drake says, locking eyes with his brother, whom he's hated for so long.  
"Agreed, until then you two are to keep away from each other." Drayden warns.

The two pairs head outside, Drake put his nose in the air.

"So long, losers!"

Drayden sticks out his tongue, "Don't listen to them Clair! They're stupid!"

The fathers turn around and head in opposite directions, aiming for their homes.

But Drayden, with Clair, turns back around, "My house is in that direction too."


	4. Apparently It Can Be

**A/N: Last chapter! This gets kind of sad, it is a parody of Romeo and Juliet. A small warning to those who can't hear anything related to suicide without getting upset or triggered. I'm trying to watch out for ya guys!**

Drayden shoves Clair into her room, "Get your Kingdra and all the others ready, tomorrow is the big day," she shuts the door, leaving a distraught Clair.

Clair plops onto her bed, she shoves her face into her pillow and screams, kicking her legs rapidly. "It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not faaaaaaair!"

A small pebble is thrown at her window, however, it goes unnoticed by Clair. Another pebble is thrown, but Clair still doesn't notice. One more small pebble and Clair sits up, swearing she heard something.

A large rocks crashes through her window, and Clair decides to head over to see who the heck had the audacity to break her window!

"Clair!" Friar Lawrence stands there at the front yard. "Jump! I'll catch you!"

Clair is slightly hesitant, but what does she have to lose? Her virginity? The thought of losing her virginity to Lance actually excites her enough to make her jump! She lands on the friar, but quite literally she lands _on_ him. The two stand, rubbing their aching bodies.

Clair looks at the friar, "What are you doing here?"

Friar Lawrence grins kindly, "I only wish to bring you and Lance together."

"But…we're related."

"So? Love is love!"

"Yeah, and jail is just another house to stay in."

"Do you love him or not?"

"Of course I do!"

"And he loves you too."

"Okay, so how are we-"

Friar Lawrence quickly pulls out a small bottle from under his robe, "This."

Clair inspects the small bottle, "What is it?"

"This is a potion I had brewed, it'll help with assisting your fake death."

"My what?"

"You are to fake dead, this potion should help bring forth a deep slumber. Your father will see you and think you had died in your sleep. Then at the funeral Lance will come and get you once everyone is gone."

"Does Lance know of this?"

"I had sent my assistant to tell Lance of this plan."

"Is this the only way?"

"Unless the two of you simply want to run away."

"That'll make us look irresponsible," Clair stares at the potion. "I'll do it."

Friar Lawrence nods, "Good, head back to your room."

"Uh, how do I get back up? My front door is locked, and my dad would kill me if he realized I jumped through the window."

Friar Lawrence grins, "Close your eyes, tap your ankles together and chant these magical words: "There's no place like home."

Clair takes the potion and shrugs, she begins to do exactly what the friar had said, chanting the magical sentence three times and when she opened her eyes, she is back in her room. Even her window is fixed somehow.

"It worked!" She lays on her bed and takes a sip from the small bottle. "With this potion, love, trust, and pixie dust, I, Clair, shall wait for my future husband!" She begins to drink the rest of the drink and throws the bottle in her trash bin. She feels dizzy in no time and rests her head on her pillow.

* * *

Lance looks around the city, many people were wearing black. "Did someone die?" he asks.

"Oh, yeah, your cousin did."

"Clair is dead?!"

"I'm sorry…" even Drake was feeling upset.

Lance turns his slow walking into a full-on run. He runs and runs, trying to find where the funeral was at. Then he sees it, the park, it is right next to the cemetery.

"Clair!" He shouts, running up to her closed casket.

Drake is quick to arrive, he frowns as he sees his son begin to sob, for once, the local ice cream truck going by didn't stir either Drake or Drayden into action.

Lance stands up, still sobbing, "Why Clair, oh why? I could've done something. I could have…I could have joined you," his voice trailed off at that last part, and he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small blade.

Drake feels his heart stop, "Lance, son, no!"

But it was too late. Lance stabs himself. Drayden even was at his nephew's side, calling an ambulance. Lance opens the casket revealing Clair. "I'm sorry," Lance whispers, he jumps in, and he stabs himself again. Drake couldn't stop him, the man was frozen in fear.

* * *

Friar Lawrence runs into the cemetery, he looks at the scene before him and gasps, his assistant never made it, Lance was never let in on the plan. By the looks of it, it is too late, Lance is dead, and Clair will wake up any moment now.

And wake up she just did, sitting up and yawning, her mind is fuzzy and she sees many people all around, weeping and sobbing, even her father and uncle.

"What-?" she begins, but then she feels something next to her. "Lance!" She yells loudly.

Drayden is quickly at Clair's side, "It's ok, sweetie, Daddy's here."

"Lance," she whispers. "Our love shalt be known forever! Why did I just say 'shalt' and not 'shall'? I don't know!" She reaches down and picks up Lance's knife. Drayden goes to grab Clair's arm but she quickly switched the blade to the other arm, and she stabs herself in the heart. "I'm…at your side…"

Drayden collapses, Drake manages to get his legs to work.

"Why?" Drayden asks.

"I don't understand," Drake says, his voice shaking.

"Allow me to clarify," Friar Lawrence steps in. Everyone attending looks at the older friar. "They loved each other, but you two, the fathers, couldn't accept their love. Instead, you two used them for your own selfish game, not caring for their feelings. You two placed your own value, your crown, above your children. What you didn't see is what the two wanted in the two days they knew each other; peace, love, and harmony. I gave Clair a potion, it was supposed to fool you all to thinking she was dead, however, the plan failed as Lance wasn't notified by my assistant in time. I guess you can say this whole thing is actually my fault, but still, bad dads everyone."

Drake and Drayden exchange glances and nod.

* * *

Friar Lawrence fell, the rope around his neck tightens, and he dies. The whole city cheered, but the brothers, the former fathers, still felt miserable. From that day forth, the two of them actually got along, they built statues of their children and placed them before the Dragon's Den's entrance. They shared the vibrating underwear and even the crown. The two never fought or argued of any sorts, and they began to preach young teens all over the many regions on how to love and respect each other. Each day they would stare at the statues, and the two would feel the love and peace that came with. This is love, and it's something the two wished they would have known more of many years ago.

 **A/N: Sorry for that ending, it was so silly and then bam, sad ending. Ah well, now that's done. Man I remember in high school I had to read and even recite Romeo and Juliet, I think that was sophomore year? An immature and silly fanfic I hope someone else enjoyed!**


End file.
